I can’t pretend I know what to do on this one. I know what works for me…sometimes.
My daughter is only nine years old and I am already getting…THE ATTITUDE. You remember the one, don’t you? The one where you roll your eyes at EVERYTHING! You suck your teeth and act like everything and everyone is stupid and ridiculous. Well, I remember having that attitude.
When I was a teen-ager, my mom would slap me in the mouth every time I turned around. I thought I was so misunderstood. It’s funny, how the tables turn. Now, I’m the one pulling my hair out over a smart mouth little girl.
My little girl is caught in that age where she feels silly being little, playing with dolls and pretending with her little brother. But, she is also too young to act like a teen-ager. She wants to listen to music and talk about cute boys, but she also wants to play tea party in her room with her stuffed animals. She has also taken to talking back to absolutely everything she is told. This is what I have labeled her “Pre-teen Funk!” And believe me, it’s getting old. I keep hearing myself saying the exact same things to my little girl that my mother said to me, “What am I going to do with you?” And, to be honest, I don’t know, but I think that angers me the most.
I remember when I was going through these feelings, but I was much older. I guess things got really confusing at around 13 years old. I had long since stopped “playing”. I liked Nintendo, and watching VH1, but I still felt a little like a little girl. I wanted independence and to be treated like an adult. I had taken on a lot of responsibility around the house. I was babysitting, helping with laundry, vacuuming and washing dishes. I didn’t really remember being “little”, but I couldn’t quite figure out how to be a “grown up”. My mom had a great way of helping me cope.
My mom would talk to me. Sounds simple, right? Well, ever tried that with a pre-teen? Talking to your kid is not always easy. I don’t mean a serious conversation; I mean the simple act of talking. Chit-chat is almost impossible.
My mom would talk to me in the car. I would find myself alone with her in the car. We would be going to the grocery store and running errands, and we would just start talking. Before I knew it, I was spilling my guts about whatever was on my mind. She never planned it. It wasn’t a grand scheme or an ingenious tip she found online…like this one…she just did it. I think it was just easier to talk when it wasn’t the point of us being alone together. Neither of us felt like we were being put on the spot. We couldn’t even look one another in the eye. It was great and very relaxing. We became friends in that car.
Later, I heard on a morning news show, that someone had coined the phrase Car Therapy. This type of communication between parents and kids was advised by many psychologists…as long as you, the parent could keep your cool while driving. So, this is what I do. When things get tense at home with my daughter, I take her along while I run errands and we talk. If she isn’t talkative, I take the lead, or just play some music that we both enjoy. That seems to lighten both our moods, and then we are able to talk.
It seems like kids are maturing faster and having teen problems at pre-teen ages now. Like I said, I don’t remember going through all this until much older. But hopefully, for all our sakes, maybe the Pre-Teen funk has replaced the teen-aged angst and we can all just get on with life.

            I love to have my kid’s at home. I miss them when they are spending the night at their grandparent’s house or when my daughter is in school.  I love to wake up in the morning, have a late breakfast, watch cartoons and play with them. But the inevitable “I’m bored “of summer lingers in the air like a rotten stench.

            The last week of school is bustling with excitement. You make all the last minute visits with the teachers, thanking them for a great year. You attend the music performances and school awards assembly. You get the grade card, which sets the mood for the following summer, and you are ready for a break. No more rushes to make it to the bus stop, no more running out in your pj’s to get them to school on time, no more notes home and squeezing doctor visits into the one hour window in the afternoon! No more of all that for TEN WEEKS! Can it get any better? … YES!!!

            For the first couple of days of summer vacation,  you’re living that life. The usual stresses of the year are on hold. You’re on vacation. Then, the dreaded words are uttered. “I’m bored!” Now… your kids have more toys than the local toy store, yet they’re bored. You wonder how. They want to swim. They want to go shopping. They want to see a movie. They want to go to their friends’ house. They want to go to the park. Want, want, want!  Your down time is down the drain.

            You struggle to figure out how to keep them busy and satisfied long enough to relax a little yourself. I know…I’m there!  I am not going to pretend to have all the answers-I don’t. No one does, because there is no one answer.  However, I do have several suggestions.

1.     Don’t wait for your kids to start asking to do something. Have the day planned before they begin their begging ritual that seems to get under your skin. Have a plan, even if your plans are just to stay home and relax. Let them know what to expect the day to be.

2.     Have back up plans. If you are planning an outdoor activity like swimming, make sure you have an indoor alternative…just in case Mother Nature is not on your side.

3.     Get your child involved in something that truly excites him/her.  There are a lot of day camps for music, art, etc. to take advantage of. You can get more information on what is offered in your area from your child’s teacher. Them having something to look forward to - is a great way to make the time pass a little more quickly, (and a little less painful for you).

4.     Get out and enjoy the summer with them. They are only young once and I guarantee you will miss these days when they are gone.

            For great indoor activities and craft ideas, check out my Links Page or visit   http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/. There you will find projects using paint, clay, and paper for all ages. Remember, summertime offers many outdoor activities involving water, so be careful. Don’t leave your child unattended in the water, make sure they know to swim with a buddy, read signs posted near the water, wear appropriate floatation devices,always swim with a lifeguard present, and wear sunblock. For more safety tips on swimming visit http://www.redcross.org/services/hss/tips/healthtips/safetywater.html#general

            The kids begged and begged and I reluctantly gave in. Now, we have a dog.  All I want to know is “Whose dog is this, anyway?!”

            My daughter loves animals, ALL animals! She has read books upon books on animals from endangered tigers, to the common domesticated cat. She watches Animal Planet every chance she gets. So, when she asked for a cat, I couldn’t resist. After all, cats pretty much take care of themselves. We adopted Sparky from the local animal shelter. Then, we adopted a second kitten. She was a stray we named Orna. She is orange, so naturally, my three year old called her Orna Kitty.  Lately, my daughter has been asking for a puppy. She says it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that my nieces just got a dog.

            Well, like I said, I reluctantly gave in. Before adopting the puppy from the shelter, I laid down the law. “This is your dog and your responsibility!” Now, she is only 9 years old and she scoops and empties the cats litter box and feeds the cats…after a couple of stern reminders. So, I was sure she would walk the puppy. We also have a large yard with plenty of room to walk this little tiny dog, so that wasn’t a worry. My concerns are training this dog! Like I said before, I had a very difficult time potty training my son, so I wasn’t looking forward to tempting the same task with a puppy. (Eerie how much alike those two things are.)  Not to mention the constant chewing, and barking, and biting.

            After a few days of the “oo’s and ah’s” over the cute tiny little pup, the WORK part of this little endeavor kicks in. Now starts the whining and moping over having to take the dog out and pick up the messes.  I keep finding myself picking up the mess and walking the dog and I stop and ask myself, “Whose dog is this anyway?!”

So, how do I deal with this? I threaten! It’s not always the best idea, but it’s all I have. I set the rules before adopting the puppy we affectionately named Popo. She’s black with a white stripe (like a police car).  

            I have to remind my daughter that sometimes we have to do things we don’t really want to do. We accepted this responsibility, so we must see it through.  I tell my daughter that if we don’t take care of this helpless little puppy, we will have to return her to the animal shelter where they will have to try to find her a new home. And there is no guarantee they will! She is very intelligent and she knows what happens to animals who cannot be adopted out. That seems to be incentive enough to get through to her. I have to remind her that all things worth doing are difficult.  And, sometimes it is important to get past what irritates you, and do what is important to someone else.

            A child has to be somewhat responsible to have a pet, but having a pet also teaches responsibility! It’s a vicious circle of annoyance to me, but it will be good for her…That’s responsibility and I’m still learning!