I can’t pretend I know what to do on this one. I know what works for me…sometimes.
My daughter is only nine years old and I am already getting…THE ATTITUDE. You remember the one, don’t you? The one where you roll your eyes at EVERYTHING! You suck your teeth and act like everything and everyone is stupid and ridiculous. Well, I remember having that attitude.
When I was a teen-ager, my mom would slap me in the mouth every time I turned around. I thought I was so misunderstood. It’s funny, how the tables turn. Now, I’m the one pulling my hair out over a smart mouth little girl.
My little girl is caught in that age where she feels silly being little, playing with dolls and pretending with her little brother. But, she is also too young to act like a teen-ager. She wants to listen to music and talk about cute boys, but she also wants to play tea party in her room with her stuffed animals. She has also taken to talking back to absolutely everything she is told. This is what I have labeled her “Pre-teen Funk!” And believe me, it’s getting old. I keep hearing myself saying the exact same things to my little girl that my mother said to me, “What am I going to do with you?” And, to be honest, I don’t know, but I think that angers me the most.
I remember when I was going through these feelings, but I was much older. I guess things got really confusing at around 13 years old. I had long since stopped “playing”. I liked Nintendo, and watching VH1, but I still felt a little like a little girl. I wanted independence and to be treated like an adult. I had taken on a lot of responsibility around the house. I was babysitting, helping with laundry, vacuuming and washing dishes. I didn’t really remember being “little”, but I couldn’t quite figure out how to be a “grown up”. My mom had a great way of helping me cope.
My mom would talk to me. Sounds simple, right? Well, ever tried that with a pre-teen? Talking to your kid is not always easy. I don’t mean a serious conversation; I mean the simple act of talking. Chit-chat is almost impossible.
My mom would talk to me in the car. I would find myself alone with her in the car. We would be going to the grocery store and running errands, and we would just start talking. Before I knew it, I was spilling my guts about whatever was on my mind. She never planned it. It wasn’t a grand scheme or an ingenious tip she found online…like this one…she just did it. I think it was just easier to talk when it wasn’t the point of us being alone together. Neither of us felt like we were being put on the spot. We couldn’t even look one another in the eye. It was great and very relaxing. We became friends in that car.
Later, I heard on a morning news show, that someone had coined the phrase Car Therapy. This type of communication between parents and kids was advised by many psychologists…as long as you, the parent could keep your cool while driving. So, this is what I do. When things get tense at home with my daughter, I take her along while I run errands and we talk. If she isn’t talkative, I take the lead, or just play some music that we both enjoy. That seems to lighten both our moods, and then we are able to talk.
It seems like kids are maturing faster and having teen problems at pre-teen ages now. Like I said, I don’t remember going through all this until much older. But hopefully, for all our sakes, maybe the Pre-Teen funk has replaced the teen-aged angst and we can all just get on with life.